went out with paulineee after econs on monday (: i think that was the first time i laughed so much and so carefree-ly in say one, two weeks? well, since IT happened anyway.
my moodiness just lifted when i saw her. i guess it's just because pauline is.. well, pauline is pauline. talked from 6 all the way till about 10. ((: at the super wet playground outside S11.
and with her, even if i see stuff that hold any meaning, i don't feel the pain at all. i guess it's partly because she knows, and because i don't mind creating other special memories with her. whereas with other people, i don't dare to let my guard down so much.
ahwell. the long and short of it is that i felt damn whole again (: damn drama but you know, for the lack of a better term.
Today (:
went to help out Ms. Grace at Pathlight School and did a lot of factory work D: fold the bags, tag the bags, pack the bags. reminds me of the cmps times! fun but quite tedious (:
anyway me and denise decided to go reward ourselves with some frozen yoghurt thing at serangoon gardens :D and we pretty much walked all the way there! okay, i admit, we got abit lost xP the yoghurt thing was damn nice, but tastes exactly the same as Yami Yoghurt luh. copycatttt.
so got to catch up with denise (: we were supposed to leave at about 1 plus but ended up yakking all the way till 4. realised that i haven't really talked to her in like a year man! we went to see the doggies in the pet shops too and freak, the paws of the baby golden retriever are so...DOG. :D damn typical paw print. soooo cute ><
went off to pauline's house for dinner and stayed till about 10. rewatched jeff dunham for the 264210538th time but this time it was funnier cos paul was like reciting the lines along with the "puppets". hilarious. i love peanut :D
and sigh, tonight kinda proved a point. i 'm such a jinx. honestly, i like jinx everyone i'm close to. and i jinx myself too. maybe that's why my life's screwing up now. guess i should just stop getting people i love into trouble huh. which means i have to stay away from all of them. ): ugh sarah wee, you should just keep all your shit to yourself and stop messing up other ppl's lives.
on a happier note, i'm glad that through all this mess, i actually get to spend more quality time with other people like husena, huierh, denise and pauline, play mahjong and bridge and daidi online with jeryl and cheeyang. xP go for class outings etc.
i mean if i could turn back time, i'd do things differently and maybe get to have the best of both worlds. But since i've screwed up and clocks don't tick anti-clockwise, i just have to salvage whatever i can. i just don't know how to go about doing it without making a bigger mess. my brain gets blurer with each passing day. pray lor. not going to give up like i did so many times before.
have you forgiven me yet? =/
and i guess it's inevitable that my defences are en guarde now. pauline was right in the end. no point running away from the fact that i'm scared now. that we're all scared. and i'm getting skeptical of a lot of things. never imagined that to be possible cause i was always the "in-the-end-it's-all-going-to-be-perfect" person. i don't even trust myself anymore.
sigh. like husena said, stop and smell the daises. or roses, or whatever flowers there are. one step at a time, one day at a time. (:
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
- Broken
pauline dedicated it to me. made a whole world of difference to my sleepless night (:
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