high, High, HIGH :D

damn cute :D

:)))

okokok i admit, i'm a little obssessed xD oh well it makes me happy hahah (:

:D

this is like the first happy post since... waitwait, this IS the first happy post! (:

my cuz came over to stay for a few days. which made me realise how horribly out of touch i've been with sec sch work. BUT this chem-math-hist-bio-chi-HOME ECONS tuition teacher isn't doing too bad a job okay! :D except for the fact that we've been watching more tv than mugging. ah well.

check this Sec 1 question out:
[Circle the right answer.]
When an atom loses electron(s), it has more/less electrons.

hahaha i had a good laugh xP ohh if only RJ work were this easy.


and die die die. my old obsession is coming back! suddenly damn addicted to hk dramas again (: which is BAD since i'm supposed to be mugging my ass off now. D:

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my new loves <3

Leila Tong (Tang Ning)
She damn pretty right? right! :DD

AHH damn cute!

she's actually quite tomboy. ((:

Raymond Lam (Lin Feng) [cue for jasmin to squeal] and Tang Ning ((:

they super cute together!

esp in 'the last breakthrough' (ohh my fav fav fav show) where they bicker to the ends of the earth.

it's an old show but i'm rewatching it for like the 6th time.

if only i had the canto version la!

okay raymond looks like he's gg to collapse and die soon in this photo. abit unflattering.

apparently she has this new show with Sammul Chan (Chen Jian Feng) and the people are raving about the both of them. hmm.

i still think lin feng and her cuter :D plus the both of them damn tan. matching skin tone what. haha xP

HOHO. BOSCO WONG (Huang Zong Ze). i still think his english name fits a dog more than it fits him. but who cares he's cute anyway. (:

i love to see the both of them pissing each other off in the damn hilarious way but together as a couple? nah. couldn't find another photo of them so had to kope this super interesting avatar from google. whee.

and she can play guitar, piano and the sax. and she can SING. hur.

oh i was quite tickled when i read somewhere that her actual name (the one her parents gave her) was Pauline.

pauline my dear, dig that! xD

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there! :D i feel like such a teenage girl hahahahah. playing the part, am i not? who cares la, i only get to be young once! (:

whee going to msia soon and i shall buy some nice nice original canto hk dramas to watch. a nice change from the cheena-dubbed ones i have now. okay i need to control my drama watching man!

and ugh i'm quite annoyed cos when erh and jeryl and pauline return to spore, i'll be leaving for msia. perfect timing luh >:/

my cuz fell asleep watching flushed away and i left her on the sofa for like an hour alr. poor girl. i'm such a horrible cousin >< better haul her up to bed.

ROAR.

seriously everytime i think maybe things aren't so bad after all, and they're getting better, somethings must happen to prove me wrong. WHAT IS GOING ON.

as husena's water bottle says: when you think things can't get worse, they GET WORSE.

i want out. ):

=/

i'm falling back into the same damn trap. omg i'm scared ):

argh =/ it's like when i choose to stop being so vunerable, everything comes flooding back. everything. i don't even dare to sleep anymore.

i hate my memory sometimes. stop remembering stuff like this and start retaining information that is fed to you from RJ notes please!!

C'mon and wake up on the right side of the bed.

annoying, useless dream last night. AGAIN.

who am i trying to kid?

And i don't feel right when you're gone.

Backlog post: 10 Nov 2008

went out with paulineee after econs on monday (: i think that was the first time i laughed so much and so carefree-ly in say one, two weeks? well, since IT happened anyway.

my moodiness just lifted when i saw her. i guess it's just because pauline is.. well, pauline is pauline. talked from 6 all the way till about 10. ((: at the super wet playground outside S11.

and with her, even if i see stuff that hold any meaning, i don't feel the pain at all. i guess it's partly because she knows, and because i don't mind creating other special memories with her. whereas with other people, i don't dare to let my guard down so much.

ahwell. the long and short of it is that i felt damn whole again (: damn drama but you know, for the lack of a better term.

Today (:

went to help out Ms. Grace at Pathlight School and did a lot of factory work D: fold the bags, tag the bags, pack the bags. reminds me of the cmps times! fun but quite tedious (:

anyway me and denise decided to go reward ourselves with some frozen yoghurt thing at serangoon gardens :D and we pretty much walked all the way there! okay, i admit, we got abit lost xP the yoghurt thing was damn nice, but tastes exactly the same as Yami Yoghurt luh. copycatttt.

so got to catch up with denise (: we were supposed to leave at about 1 plus but ended up yakking all the way till 4. realised that i haven't really talked to her in like a year man! we went to see the doggies in the pet shops too and freak, the paws of the baby golden retriever are so...DOG. :D damn typical paw print. soooo cute ><

went off to pauline's house for dinner and stayed till about 10. rewatched jeff dunham for the 264210538th time but this time it was funnier cos paul was like reciting the lines along with the "puppets". hilarious. i love peanut :D

and sigh, tonight kinda proved a point. i 'm such a jinx. honestly, i like jinx everyone i'm close to. and i jinx myself too. maybe that's why my life's screwing up now. guess i should just stop getting people i love into trouble huh. which means i have to stay away from all of them. ): ugh sarah wee, you should just keep all your shit to yourself and stop messing up other ppl's lives.

on a happier note, i'm glad that through all this mess, i actually get to spend more quality time with other people like husena, huierh, denise and pauline, play mahjong and bridge and daidi online with jeryl and cheeyang. xP go for class outings etc.

i mean if i could turn back time, i'd do things differently and maybe get to have the best of both worlds. But since i've screwed up and clocks don't tick anti-clockwise, i just have to salvage whatever i can. i just don't know how to go about doing it without making a bigger mess. my brain gets blurer with each passing day. pray lor. not going to give up like i did so many times before.

have you forgiven me yet? =/

and i guess it's inevitable that my defences are en guarde now. pauline was right in the end. no point running away from the fact that i'm scared now. that we're all scared. and i'm getting skeptical of a lot of things. never imagined that to be possible cause i was always the "in-the-end-it's-all-going-to-be-perfect" person. i don't even trust myself anymore.

sigh. like husena said, stop and smell the daises. or roses, or whatever flowers there are. one step at a time, one day at a time. (:

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

- Broken

pauline dedicated it to me. made a whole world of difference to my sleepless night (:

I can't see a rainbow, see a rainbow too

i suddenly miss pauline (okay, that's always) and jas all the rest of the 402 ppl ):

i feel so disheartened and desensitised. everything's happening at the same time and i don't know which way to turn.

everyone's super dead tonight and it makes me feel worse that the people i love aren't too good themselves. ):

holidays are supposed to be happy, happy times right? what now? =/

i need to scream. GRAHHHHHHHH. okay that was more like a growl but nvm, gives me temporary pain and frustration release. like panadol you know, only better.

Last Christmas i gave you my heart.

i feel quite sad ): haha now that i've "lost" my partner, and i try to occupy myself with other stuff, all my wonderful friends seem to love being busy on the same day so when i ask them out, none of them are free -.-

anyway erherh had some CIP thing in school today, and asked if i wanted to join her. so since my CIP this year is like next to dead, i went with her for the thing. ended up listening to Dr. William Tan ramble on and on for an entire hour and halfway through we kinda zoned out. he was surprisingly funny la actually, but i mean how much lame humour can you take in a day ><

but the next part quite exciting! erh (and i) had this buddy in a wheelchair called melissa, and she and her two other friends were supposed to take part in this wheelchair marathon, uhm, around the school track. 6 freaking km :O i think i wouldn't even be able to make it half a round luh! which is why i'm glad we got to walk the 6 km instead :P

the thing is, melissa completed it! despite proclaiming "wo yao si le la!" every single round. and asking for stuff: "TOWEL!" (erh and i lunge for the towel and pass it to her), "WATER!" (again, erh and i open the 100 plus for her and put it straight into her open palms). and when she's drinking or cleaning her perspiration, we must secretly push her from behind. sigh tough work for us too! but it was damn cool to see her persevere to the finishing line which didn't break when she passed through haha xP and she was super entertained by erh and i's nonsensical bickering.

in the end, we probably didn't get CIP hours but they gave us this RJC collar pin :D oh well, it was a pretty nice experience (:

so went to eat dinner with erh after that and omg, the christmas decorations are up WAY early. i think the people in the creative department of the malls are like super excited about the festival so they decided to celebrate 2 months of Christmas.

I love Christmas. Jesus's birthday! and well, someone else's birthday before that too.

I remember Christmas day last year so vividly. i don't know why. the images are still fresh in my mind. the streets we walked, the shops we stopped at, the stuff we said. and how i vowed never to forget your birthday again.

i won't. but what difference does that make now?

ah i'm shaking with silent laughter cause pauline and i are going a bit nuts online thinking of names to... well, thinking of names xD totally makes my day (:

Kookaburra sits on the old gum treeeee.

OOOOOHBAMA won.

hmm. well, better than mccain i guess! and please, palin's more of a ditzy blonde than i am okay! so there, ms kaur. (:

my mummy's back from perth! and she bought back a whole lot of stuff for me :D damn cool! sigh, i missed her actually. especially cause i've been feeling quite shit over the past week. and she already kinda annoyed me already with her incessant nagging but it's good to hear ><

oh and the funniest thing she got me, this kookaburra soft toy that laughs like a freaking witch when you press its stomach. looks damn cute but man, it scares the crap out of you when it starts to laugh. even worse than munir's laugh i tell you!

and dear sweet old huierh is like laughing at me for being possesive over my kookuburra. BUT IT'S MINE! hmph.

everything's just kinda going wrong now? i need some normality in my life. will you give it to me? =/

the one thing that really made me forget everything else and laugh today? me and pauline's plan to **** **. okay more like i'm the instigator and she's the one who gets to do all the shiok stuff. :D
rocks. we damn ingenious.

I hope you dance, sing and most of all, love.

suddenly remembered this song that Mrs. Michelle Ng let us hear at the end of Sec 4.

the lyrics are supposed to be inspirational and they are, but i just read them and my heart feels so heavy. reminds me of how hard and cruel the world has become, and how fragile life is. and yea, on a more personal note, how screwed up a person i was in the past 10 months. but i'm grateful that i've woken up before my life goes too downhill and there's no way back up.

and sigh, anxiousness always messes things up, but still i can't help but worry about THAT problem. when will it be alright? when will i get to start over and smile from my heart again? even though i hate to admit it, i do miss you.
and i wonder if you miss me too.

I hope you dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) (Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance.
well, will you?
I hope we all will (: no matter what happens.

sure, it's easy to just say that, but it's terribly hard to put it into practice. i've been there and been back many times. and sometimes life throws you something that turns your life upside down. but the night is darkest before dawn. and you never know what's going to happen if you close your heart to hope.

i tried hardening my heart before as a wall of defence, so i won't get hurt no more. but it never did work out in the end. i guess i was blessed in the aspect that there was always so much love around that my heart never got a chance to harden enough before it melts again.

didn't treasure that love properly. and oh the irony. cause now when it's slipping away, i finally wake up. but i'm not stopping there, that's for sure (:
When you come close to selling out, reconsider.

oh, and pauline rocks you know? i love you pauline (: